god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
