Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
