In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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