just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
