he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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