I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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