i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
