I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
