You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no, he came in my armpit
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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