i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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