I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
