you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
