HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
