We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
