the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
