The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
