She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize