ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
