OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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