I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
