so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
