Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
