He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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