i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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