i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
