i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We need to get me chipped asap
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
