I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
