Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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