If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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