I got chris browned last night
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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