I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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