he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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