were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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