she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
