My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We're facebook friends in real life
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
not ubering you a puppy
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
