She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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