Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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