she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
