I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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