Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
