I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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