I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This house was built for laser tag.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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