he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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