we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
