You're completely useless in the revolution.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
even my farts smell like vagina
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
