I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
