i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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