yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
