If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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