I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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