someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
