im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
