he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
