handjob tips. give me some.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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