oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
