just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
