get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize