Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
