I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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