That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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