I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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