I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
