Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
