I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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