She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
