If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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