I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
