I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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