so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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