I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
