Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
