My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
