The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize