She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize